My Life is Built Out of A Deck of Cards

How would you feel, if just two weeks ago you had everything in the palm of your hands?Great grades, great friends and a perfect boyfriend....

                     And then all of a sudden, everything came crashing down. Like someone blew a gust of wind and knocked down your cards. The cards that made up your life.

I can't comprehend anything. Why me? What did I do wrong to deserve this?

I think it's because I ate meat every Friday during Lent and didnt really care....

Any whoooo, I guess the saying you only have family as support is true (with the exception of the true friends); because apparently it's okay for you to have a group of friends and then half of them leave, because someone else comes in and thinks it's okay to ruin everything. But I guess thats how things in Plattsburgh work. Great. Let me know how that goes....

Ohh and apparently college changes the guy that you've known since you were fourteen. The one guy that you wanted to spend your life with. The one guy that said he wanted to marry you and be with you forever. But it's okay that he randomly left...because college changes people.

That's bullshit.

If I hear that excuse one more time....I might explode. College is a poor excuse. What changes people is other people. The influence of immature idiots that think relationships arent meant for college. If you love someone, youre with them. You dont not talk to them, or take your relationship off of Facebook.

You love them. You love them for their chaotic self, when they're stressed and happy. You love them like you first saw them. Like the first day they gave you butterflies. And you never stop.

I'm broke. I'm hurt. I'm confused.

And even though my family and a few great friends keep a smile on my face every day. It's you I want at the end of the day.

And you left at a bad time...

Green Paradise

                                                                      MY FLOOR



 MY LOVIES

MY LOVELY ROOM

 MY ZUMBA BABIESS

 WE LIKE TO TAKE A LOT OF PICTURES

 CHEESIN HARD



WE GIVE KISSES TOO

My New Home.

Plattsburgh State University.
Welcome Home.

I have been at school for officially over a month now ( I haven't been on here in awhile, sorry) But quick summary?

My room is so bright with lime green, you need shades.

My floor is a family<3

I have made such good friends here - you know who you are.

The showers aren't terrible. But the girl who keeps clogging the toilets, please stop.

I've become super cheap.

Girls who wander Platts streets in mini skirts are fools. Keepin it classy with jeans and a cardigan.

Boys up here are gross. Seriously.

I'm addicted to the gym.

6th floor - BITCHHH:)

Dubstep blairs through our floor.

If you don't walk in a large pack, people won't know you're a freshman.

I miss my boyfriend. A lot<3

Honestly, Plattsburgh is a family. I can't get over it. How friendly people are; like once you come up here, you aren't going to want to leave - seriously.

There hasn't been a lot of drama here...except everyone cheats on their significant others here....it's sad. But me, nope! I have my own dance party by myself and have a blast. Or, I pretend I'm a lesbian with one of my friends, and it's actually hilarious to see their reactions. Priceless.

I would have expected it to snow up here already, but surprisingly it hasn't. It's been in the 80's!!! Here, 45 minutes away from Canada...who would have thought?! Not this chick. But also being 45 minutes away from Canada my two goals are to visit there at least twice this year; as well as learn how to snow board (considering White Face Mountain is in walking distance).

I wish I had funny stories to share, but I will. So far it's been the usual - people getting piss drunk, frat houses getting busted, us getting lost on campus, not sleeping all weekend - the usual.

But the one downside to this amazing place, is that Andrew isn't here. I miss him more than anything. But I get to see him in 9 days, without seeing him for almost a month and a half. And from here on out, he has everything planned out, when we will see each other, where we are going to go, for how long; it makes me so happy:)

I miss the little things at home too, the feeling of walking into the door. My chats with my mom, and my car! I miss driving more than anything! But honestly, these feelings are going to re-occur, because I'm growing up. It's hard to believe. Being an adult. It's like where did the time go? Sometimes I wish I was seven again where nothing really mattered, and you could still fit on your parents lap. I miss that. But I love where I am, and what I have accomplished. I'm going places. I'm going to become famous.





ExacltyOneMonthAway

One Month. Four Weeks. Thirty Days.
                      Until COLLEGE

I had orientation last week, and I loved it. The independence, the new atmosphere, the new people ... I am finally anxious!

But let's rewind back to last month, when the sound of college, made me want to vomit. Leaving my family, my friends, being indecisive about playing college volleyball, the thoughts of not adjusting well, having a crazy roommate, forgetting stuff at home (which is four hours away). All of these thoughts ran through my head constantly - at work, driving, when I was sleeping. I was a prisoner in my own thoughts!

Now you're probably wondering, how did orientation clear my thoughts? Well, it did, but not completely.

As I walked into the Plattsburgh building, all of the faces in front of me looked the same. Confused. Nervous. Anxious.

And right away, I met friends. I met friends on my floor, friends on the volleyball team - everyone was so friendly. So friendly to the point of people sharing a bottle of vodka on the fifth floor and hooking up with everyone left and right.

...yeaa that part was expected, it's college after all. But come on? Couldn't they have waited until college started?!

Anyway, I saw grass!!!! The last time I took the long, tedious four hour car ride through hick ville, there was snow everywhere; and I had to trudge through the endless amounts of snow in two degree weather. It was oh so pleasant.

But when I went last week, the water was liquid, the grass was green, I was in shorts and everyone was happy!

So in one month. Four weeks and thirty days, I will have a different place to call my home. I will have to make sacrifices, and major adjustments, but I'm not in this alone. I'm side by side with millions of other people, who are going from being big fish in a little pond, to a small fish in the ocean.

Out With the Old & In With the New

High school is over. Thank God!

I honestly couldn't take it anymore. But looking back it wasn't all bad, there were some good times in high school.

I made a name for myself.

I married Brian Fox.

Seniors '11

I made most of my friends here.

Volleyball<3

Prom

Took on a lot, socially and academically.

Then again, with the good, comes the bad.

WASTED 3.5 years with the people I thought were my friends.

Being stressed has become a part of me now. Thank you school.

Dramadramadramadramadrama

Now, there's obviously more I can add to both of my lists, but you all get the point. I CANT wait for the summer.  Summer 2011 means, Hillside Summer Camp, different scenery, warmth, family vacations and getting ready for college.

Some days I want to leave for college asap, and other days I don't. But either way, since summer's right around the corner, things have already gotten better.

Liam came home from England

Hillside training is soon

Prom is SOONER

Graduation party invites are being sent out.

Everything is perfect. Everything is working out.

Advice: 'Surround yourself with the people in life who bring you higher'  In other words, don't hang out with people who aren't as good as you. You deserve better. People that will respect you for who you are; and your life will be that much simpler.

"Feel the Pen Against the Paper"

"Feel the pen against the paper" - Meagan.

I used to draw. I have hundreds of sketch pads around the house, all unfinished. And why, I can't answer that, because I do not know. Actually I do know. I get bored. I can't keep one single hobby for a long period of time.

Painting - takes too many materials.
Making bracelets - makes me nausea if I stare at the strings for too long.
Photography - too many posers, all after the same "title"
Keeping a diary - makes my hand cramp because of everything I have to say.

But sketching, that's different. I love distortion. The ability to take an adequate scene and turn it into your own. I have four pieces done so far, in different notebooks, all stored in my locker. 

I want to sophisticate my ability.

I want a sketch pad. Drawing isn't a hobby, it's a way of expressing (as cliche as that may sound). It's me, being able to let my feelings out in shapes and shades that can only be decoded by me. With a pencil in my hand and paper underneath me, I'm allowed to express myself, vent about everything, without being judged or having find an ear to listen to me. 

Everyone should draw. Because everyone's drawings tell a different story.

TWO SIDES TO EVERY STORY.

Twitter.

I have had my Twitter for almost two years now, and I love it! I love being able to express myself, post thoughts, follow bands and get to know people I wouldn't have normally talked to. And because of this I have hooked three of my friends on Twitter. Tweets, are addicting.

But Twitter has a dark side.

This basically goes along the lines of Facebook - has this ever happened to you?
*you get into a fight with a friend, you 'de-friend' them.
*you're mad at someone, or upset, so you make a status update about them, in hopes that they'll read it and realize it was about them.

Twitter is the exact same.

Why must people be so immature? 
In the end, you aren't going to have the same friends throughout your life, everyone knows this, so why make a big production when you lose the friends you once had. Immaturity - the ability for someone to be dumb, annoying, etc. over something idiotic. Get the picture?!

I'm just going to come out and say it. I had three best friends and for one reason for another we drifted apart. No big deal right? Well I didn't think so. But the tweets are just ridiculous. How old are you 7...or 17? Shit happens, and life moves on. Nobody cares how many friends are presented on your Facebook page, and nobody cares how many followers you have on Twitter. You're your own preforming act in your own little world. Congrats.

Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop.